Ballroom Dancing and Etiquette
by Tom Grove (retyped by Lindsey Koch)
Union Standard, Sept-Oct 2002
The continuing interest among so many members, both military and civilian, in the fine art of ballroom dancing has prompted me to share the following dos and dont's of etiquette for the ballroom dance.
The following information is from "Chesterfield's Letter Writer and Complete Book of Etiquette", 1860.
Dancing
As an evening party is often only another name for the dancing party, we will here give the rules observed in fashionable dancing parties, or sociables, in New York City. If not applicable everywhere, they contain hints which will be useful to everyone who dances:
1. Draw on your gloves (white or yellow) in the dressing-room, and do not be for one moment with them off in the dancing-rooms. At supper take them off; nothing is more preposterous than to eat in gloves.
2. When you are sure of a place in the dance, you go up to a lady and ask her if she will do you the honor to dance with you. If she answers that she is engaged, merely request her to name the earliest dance for which she is not engaged, and when she will do you the honor of dancing with you.
3. If a gentleman offers to dance with a lady, she should not refuse, unless for some particular and valid reason, in which case she can accept the next offer. But if she has no further objection than a temporary dislike of a piece of coquetry, it is a direct insult to him to refuse him and accept the next offer; besides, it shows too marked a preference for the latter.
4. When a lady is standing in a quadrille, though not engaged in dancing, a gentleman not acquainted with his partner should not converse with her.
5. When an unpracticed dancer makes a mistake, we may apprise him of his error; but it would be very impolite to have the air of giving him a lesson.
6. Unless a man has a very graceful figure, and can use it with great elegance, it is better for him to walk through the quadrilles, or invent some gliding motion for the occasion.
7. At the end of the dance, the gentleman re-conducts the lady to her place, bows and thanks her for the honor which she has conferred. She also bows in silence.
8. The master of the house should see that all the ladies dance. He should take notice particularly of those who seem to serve as drapery to the walls of the ball-room (or wall flowers, as the familiar expression is,) and should see that they are invited to dance.
9. Ladies who dance much should be careful not to boast before those who dance but little or not at all, of the great number of dances for which they are engaged in advance. They should also, without being perceived, recommend these less fortunate ladies to gentlemen of their acquaintance.
10. For any of the members, either sons or daughters of the family at whose house the ball is given, to dance frequently or constantly, denotes decided ill-breeding. The ladies of the house should not occupy those places in a quadrille which others may wish to fill, and they should moreover, be at leisure to attend to the rest of the company; and the gentlemen should be entertaining the married women and those who do not dance.
11. Never hazard taking part in a quadrille unless you know how to dance tolerably; for if you are a novice, or but little skilled, you would bring disorder into the midst of pleasure.
12. If a lady waltz with you, beware not to press her waist; you must only lightly touch it with the open palm of your hand, lest you leave a disagreeable impression not only on her ceinture, but on her mind.
13. If you accompany your wife to a dancing party, be careful not to dance with her, except perhaps the first set.
14. When that long and anxiously desired hour, the hour of supper, has arrived, you hand the lady you attend up or down to the supper-table. You remain with her while she is at the table, seeing that she has all that she desires, and then conduct her back to the dancing-rooms.
15. A gentleman attending a lady should invariably dance the first set with her, and may afterwards introduce her to a friend for the purpose of dancing.
16. Ball-room introductions cease with the dancing; and the gentleman should never again approach the lady by salutation, or any other mode, without a re-introduction of a formal character.
This code must be understood as applying in full only to fashionable dancing parties in the city, though most of the rules should be adhered to in any place. The good sense of the reader will enable him to modify them to suit any particular occasion.
The following information is taken from the "Lady's Guide to Perfect Gentility" 1856.
Dancing occasions - in what manner ladies must be treated by gentlemen. - We are not obliged to go exactly at the appointed hour; it is even fashionable to go an hour later. Married ladies are accompanied by their husbands, unmarried ones, by their mother or a chaperon. These last ladies place themselves behind the dancers; the gentleman of the house then goes before on and another, procures the seats for them, and mingles again among the gentlemen who are standing, and who form groups or walk about the room.
When you are sure of a place in the dance, you go up to a lady, and ask her if she will do you the honor to dance with you. If she answers that she is engaged, invite her for the next dance, but take care not to address yourself afterwards to any ladies next to her, for these, not being able to refuse you, would feel hurt at being invited after another.
Never wait until the signal is given to take a partner, for nothing is more impolite than to invite a lady hastily, and when the dancers are already in their places; it can be allowed only when the set is incomplete.
A lady cannot refuse the invitation of a gentleman to dance, unless she has already accepted that of another, for she would be guilty of incivility which might occasion trouble; she would moreover seem to show contempt for him whom she refused, and would expose herself to receive an ill compliment from him.
A married or young lady should never leave a party, even to go into an adjoining room, without either her mother or a married lady to accompany her.
Avoid talking incessantly; it would occasion remarks and have a bad appearance to whisper continually in the ear of your partner.